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adventures in the dark night

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Apr. 6th, 2006 | 10:25 pm

Last night I was walking down the dark streets of downtown Carrollton in search of Larry's house. He invited me to a party and at 11pm I was combing Tanner Street for his house. I never found it, but I found two things.

1. a place called "Veranda," a hosting house for parties, meetings, and cotillions... excellent for my period party, maybe? for graduation parties... for my alumni conference....

2. i also found that i was a little nervous. during my dark night of the soul, i have trouble being out in the dark night of the world. i fear that i will see some crime being commited and that i won't know to report it and i'll be an accessory to the crime. of course, since on zoloft, these fears are minimal. still, i felt the remnants of these fears last night. then i heard this thing inside me that if i weren't leashed to my dad, if he weren't out with me wherever i went, i would enjoy the night and not worry about crimes... i would feel free.

this is a lost ring i found during this deep sea dive... maybe it's feeling leashed to my dad that makes my guilt manifest as guilt of committing crimes... something to play with in my ontological playground... swinging on the existential swingset... rolling around in the impermanence of the skandhic sandbox....

i feel so much sorrow around my parents. i feel my spirit being killed whenever they're around... things that go wrong are always linked back to my fault somehow....

anyway, i'm picturing the newspaper boss in spiderman screaming sarcastically, "OH PLAY ME THE VIOLIN!"

lol, so i'll go now...

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karma-la

From: karmaq
Date: Apr. 8th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC)
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Next time, invite me; I know where Larry lives. Rob Cash and Chris Ruth used to live there back in MY day.

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